Saturday 12 December 2009

12/Dec/09 - Random rumination: The problem of Pain and Evil.

A few 'insights' (if they can be called that!) have happened along this path that I am trundling along. I tend to call them 'insights' because they appeared spontaneously, without, any active thinking on my part; they appeared as though suddenly plucked out of space and put into my mindspace - with no prior thinking involved. The words simply appeared....

'All pain is Resistance, all evil is Ignorance'.

Once this appeared, then, began the thinking - the looking from all directions, to try and verify the accuracy of what had appeared. To apply it to every life situation and to check the validity of the 'insight'.

It is because we refuse to accept any given situation as it exists and then attempt to change it to what we think is an ideal situation and fail miserably to do either, that there consequently is pain. Acceptance is key to any situation. That of course does not mean that we stop 'doing' anything, or stop taking appropriate action to try and rectify a situation or bring about a solution. Karma forms a part of the experience of life but we must inevitably accept that, which cannot be changed. Of course this is a well - known psychological fact, which it is, but for me, the above arose spontaneously with no prior active thinking whatsoever. The appearance was non-contextual wasn't a thought, it was just that - An Appearance.

The second half was a bit more difficult to fathom. 'Evil' can appear in many ways and takes many forms. I took the worst possible scenario and the most obvious form - people killing each other - wars, murders, terrorism. In each case, the act arises out of one person or group, wanting to prove a point to another; wanting to prove themselves superior to others and out of plain hate; this hate again arises out of ignorance of the 'other'; each reason thus has its root in the inherent ignorance - of the truth of a situation; ignorance of the nature of other's reality; ignorance of another's situation; ignorance of the other's motivation; ignorance of the other's culture, religion and; ignorance of the purpose of being human and finally and the root of all roots - Ignorance of our 'true' nature.

And that leads to the questions - what IS my true nature?

Who am I?

(to be contd...)

Wednesday 9 December 2009

9/Dec/09 - Growth.

Through all this, I ask myself - what have I actually learnt? If anything?

Everything that is happening, all the drama of visions unfolding, of energy movements, of spontaneous kriyas and mudras occuring - instinctively I know, I should not attach much importance to them. These phenomena are temporary by their very nature, they shall come and they shall go. Why get attached to them? And what purpose do they serve? I look upon them only as an ecouragement - manifestations, that confirm that there is certainly more to this Infinite Universe than what is observable merely by the five senses, so limited are they! And yet we build up our entire lives around what is perceived through these limited instruments. 'I' am merely the witness.

There have been no sudden and dramatic shifts in 'consciousness', no upheavals and no dramas of epic proportions on my spiritual path. It appears as though all this is not a 'journey' as in getting somewhere or 'achieving' something. Instead, it has been a steady 'chipping away' of dross, if you will, something I wasn't even 'aware' was happening, until suddenly - I was - AWARE.

I became aware of an 'Awareness' that was 'aware'. I found myself observing the drama of what is termed as 'me'/'I'. Again 'I' am aware that I haven't yet reached THAT which every spiritual guru worth his salt talks about! But the frequency with which I once got lost in the drama of thoughts, emotions, personalties and generally the chaos-that the world -appears- to be, has reduced to a great extent. Most of the time, in situations, that have the potential to generate a great deal of stress, do not generate it - because - this 'Awareness' steps in, of its own doing!

For all that has happened and is happening, I have no sense of 'doership', it has happened because it has happened, perhaps because of THAT which is, no effort is mine. All I can 'feel' and 'know' is that it is THY will. That too is a dualistic thought - I am Aware - that it is. But. It does not matter to me, It too shall pass, as does everything.

Thoughts, I am beginning to see, are really of no consequence, they merely muddy the waters. Philosophising is helpful to some extent, a theorising, but ultimately, 'KNOWING' is what should be and I am not there yet. Again I don't think I can really 'do' anything, only when Grace is granted, perhaps, that I will know THAT which IS.

Meanwhile I am content to just BE.

Tuesday 8 December 2009

8/Dec/09 - Lightning.

Around 1999-2000, I had an intense and vivid vision/dream (?), which in retrospect seems to me to have been one of the most important marker in this journey. It was a pointer, a precursor of things to come....

I 'saw' that there was a Lighthouse at the edge of a Pier. I was sitting on the edge of the pier on the lowermost steps of the Lighthouse, with my legs in the ocean. Dolphins were gambolling around my feet, laughing up at me! Suddenly a a very bright bolt of lightning struck the ocean right in front of me. At the point of impact, the the lightning bolt exploded into a million splinters of beautiful, coloured light. So bright was the light, such was the intensity, that my hands flew up to cover my eyes and I woke up!

I have never forgotten this dream or was it a vision?! Such was the vividness, that its been etched forever in my mind. I can't help wonder if this bolt of 'lightning' was actually a depiction of the 'Kundalini' Shakti herself? Such is the intensity of colours, the vividness, the 'realness'! Such is the magnitude of meaning, that makes itself apparent, impresses upon the mind, it is impossible to ignore or to just dismiss it as being without meaning.

What is difficult, is to decipher the meaning!

P.S:

Yesterday, I was woken up again at night - by an intense buzzing in the ears and the feeling of electricity coursing through my body. My teeth were vibrating with what felt like an electrical charge, which caused some discomfort and this is what woke me up. The charge coursing through was not something imagined. The currents of energy over my face lasted for some time, the currents flowing quite strongly through my nostrils. This is something that happens quite often.