9/Dec/09 - Growth.

Through all this, I ask myself - what have I actually learnt? If anything?

Everything that is happening, all the drama of visions unfolding, of energy movements, of spontaneous kriyas and mudras occuring - instinctively I know, I should not attach much importance to them. These phenomena are temporary by their very nature, they shall come and they shall go. Why get attached to them? And what purpose do they serve? I look upon them only as an ecouragement - manifestations, that confirm that there is certainly more to this Infinite Universe than what is observable merely by the five senses, so limited are they! And yet we build up our entire lives around what is perceived through these limited instruments. 'I' am merely the witness.

There have been no sudden and dramatic shifts in 'consciousness', no upheavals and no dramas of epic proportions on my spiritual path. It appears as though all this is not a 'journey' as in getting somewhere or 'achieving' something. Instead, it has been a steady 'chipping away' of dross, if you will, something I wasn't even 'aware' was happening, until suddenly - I was - AWARE.

I became aware of an 'Awareness' that was 'aware'. I found myself observing the drama of what is termed as 'me'/'I'. Again 'I' am aware that I haven't yet reached THAT which every spiritual guru worth his salt talks about! But the frequency with which I once got lost in the drama of thoughts, emotions, personalties and generally the chaos-that the world -appears- to be, has reduced to a great extent. Most of the time, in situations, that have the potential to generate a great deal of stress, do not generate it - because - this 'Awareness' steps in, of its own doing!

For all that has happened and is happening, I have no sense of 'doership', it has happened because it has happened, perhaps because of THAT which is, no effort is mine. All I can 'feel' and 'know' is that it is THY will. That too is a dualistic thought - I am Aware - that it is. But. It does not matter to me, It too shall pass, as does everything.

Thoughts, I am beginning to see, are really of no consequence, they merely muddy the waters. Philosophising is helpful to some extent, a theorising, but ultimately, 'KNOWING' is what should be and I am not there yet. Again I don't think I can really 'do' anything, only when Grace is granted, perhaps, that I will know THAT which IS.

Meanwhile I am content to just BE.