16/Nov/09 - A Discovery.

I have been led to discover Sri Ramana Maharshi -
A series of visions have led me to him and my quest will now lead me to the Ramanasrama in Tiruvanamallai -

Sequence of events -

- Two years ago I began meditation, meditated regularly for a year.
- Then began what I think is either a Pranotthana or beginnings of the Kundalini awakening and so I stopped meditation, but visualisation continued in one form or the other.
- And then began visions, am not sure if they are visions or lucid dreams? But unlike dreams I am not totally unconscious, I am internally awake and watchful and aware of what is going on - this leads me to believe that they are visions.

Once such intense vision -
- I am walking up a hill, surrounded by big black boulders. I briefly wonder whether I am asleep or awake, but my alertness convinces me that I am in no dream state. The vision is unfolding, flickring like a film against my closed eyelids. I look at the boulders, I wonder where I am , they seem familiar. They look like the boulders I had seen in Mahabalipuram as a child. Then I see huge carvings of faces in the rocks - with helments, long ear lobes, big eyes. I wondered if they were some sort of Mayan carvings. As I continued walking up the hill, I see a huge flock of elephants charging towards me, I stand in the middle of the path, panicking that I would be crushed under them. But as they reach me, they turn into carvings on the rock face. I continue forward and then stand still, everything has gone very quiet, very very quiet and still and I ask a question - 'Where am I?' and I receive a very clear reply -

'This is the place where no time and space exists'.

Since then I have been trying to find out what this place is - looking for images and references on the internet.

The other interesting aspect has been, that though I am a lover of Lord Krishna and it is his name that I tend to chant, all the visions I have always had, have in some way or other been related to Shiva.

Parallel to this another set of events have been unfolding -

I have been longing for a guru and have been praying for divine providence to be led to one.
since I have since childhood grown up with stories and influences of Sri Ramakrishna Paramhamsa, he has always been my spiritual guru but what I longed for was a living guru to turn to. So I contacted the head of the Ramakrishna Mission here in UK. He very graciously granted to see me and speak to me and though a very gracious presence, I still did not feel that he was my Guru and my search continued.

I then came across a reference to 'Mooji' a teacher in the Non-dual (Advait vendanta) tradition on Patricia Bralley's blog. Following up on which I attended his satsang here in London. This then finally led me to Sri Ramana Maharshi and I felt as if I had reached home! I devoured every bit of information I could on him - For past week I have been reading up non-stop on him, and anything and everything on him, his devotees and the tears haven't stopped streaming. I have felt compelled to start meditating again.

One of the biggest source of information was David Godman and Realisation.org. On this website I finally found the answer, that I am utterly convinced is right, to what the place in my vision was. It was in an account by a Mr.Krishnamurti Aiyer a Physics Professor who is now 92yrs old, who tells about his experience with Bhagwan - where in his vision he sees the Arunachala (mountain) becoming transparent and in its centre a Shivalinga!

I had my answer. The hill was The Arunachala, the abode of Sri Ramana Maharshi, that had called him at the age of 16 and where Sri Ramana lived until his samadhi. I feel I have been called to him. He is the Guru I have been searching for. Through him I have been led to Lakshmana Swamy and his disciple Mathru Sri Saradamma, the only two who have without doubt attained the self and reside there always.

Reclusive Living Gurus, who have no interest, in name, fame, possessions. Who do not seek to market themselves, who are Jnanis in the truest sense of the word. The only ones in direct lineage with Sri Ramana Maharshi himself.

Sri Saradamma is said to give darshan only on the Dec 25th.
I have made up mind to go to Tiruvanamallai and meditate outside her compound on that day.

If it is willed by divine Grace I shall have her darshan and I hope she will have me as her disciple. If not, that is divine will too and I will wait for the day when i shall be deemed worthy enough for grace to be granted.